Yearly Archives: 2020

Did you see that?!

I turned the corner and activated the loading lights as I do every day. This morning something was different. I opened the door as the student approached. I got the sense I was seeing something I shouldn’t be seeing.

Her face! I had never seen her face below her eyes before. I said, “Where is your mask?”

She looked up at me, waiting for me to check her temperature. I started to repeat myself but thought better of it. She can’t hear me talking through a three layer cotton mask and a plastic face shield. I lifted the shield and pointed to my own mask. She had a moment of shock and embarrassment as she patted her pockets.

I raised a finger in a “Wait a second” gesture. I pulled a box of masks from my PPE kit and handed one to her with gloved hand. She put the mask on. Her temperature was fine. She boarded the bus and all was well.

That moment of seeing something I shouldn’t see sparked a memory from several years ago.

I had just left the school in the afternoon with a busload of middle school students. We were stopped at a red light next to a minivan. I looked up at the mirror when I heard a ruckus in the bus. The boys were hootin’ and hollerin’ and getting out of their seats to get a good look at something outside the bus. I looked out the window to see what captured their attention. In the back seat of the minivan was a girl of about 11 or 12, apparently one of their schoolmates, taking off her shirt to change into her soccer uniform. I turned my attention back to the boys, trying in vain to get them to sit down. They were too busy giving themselves whiplash as they worked at getting a better look at the topless girl before she pulled her jersey on.

The girl got dressed, the boys settled back into their seats, and the light turned green. We drove on. For the next mile or two I could hear them saying, “Did you see that?!”

Stay safe and healthy this holiday season so we can celebrate together next year.

Space Bus is Back!

I got home from work the other day at 6:41PM, just in time to climb up on the roof and watch the International Space Station fly over at 6:49. It’s amazing to think that humans are inside that speck of light traveling at roughly 17000 miles per hour and 250 miles above the earth’s surface.

Speaking of Space Stations, Mr. Bus Driver Man Sir has officially resumed space travel in the bus for the first time since early March.

As we were departing the school parking lot I checked with the dozen kids in the bus to make sure they had their face masks in place, seat belts fastened, and space suits on and secured. They confirmed all three.

We were scheduled to visit the International Space Station but it is suddenly too crowded and it would be very difficult to keep our social distance in that confined space.

So I asked where else they’d like to go.

“PLUTO!” they shouted.

“Pluto it is,” I said, “but wait, I had to loan my cosmic dwizzle bazimperator to another bus driver who had a field trip to the moon.

A little girl said, “I have one in my backpack!”

I said, “Great! Let’s plug it in and hit the sky!”

She saved the day! I explained that the cosmic dwizzle bazimperator enables the bus to travel through time and space. We need the time travel element to get back to earth right after we left so their parents don’t have time to worry.

“Before we get to the traffic light we’ll hit a worm hole, which takes us through a ripple in the space time continuum and drops us off just a few miles from downtown Pluto.” The road seemed to get really bumpy and BLAM!, we were in the wormhole!

I said, “Welcome to Pluto! Oh, I didn’t realize it was so developed out here. It looks a lot like south Austin.”

The kids marveled at all the Pluto cars, Pluto trees, and Pluto dogs. We turned onto the Pluto Highway headed toward downtown Pluto. After a mile or so we came to a locked gate.

“So sorry kids, downtown Pluto is closed for cleaning today. We’ll have to turn around and head back to Earth now.”

There was a collective disappointed sigh from the group. We caught the other end of the wormhole at the dip in the road and were transported back to Austin.

I said, “Welcome back to Earth! Only a few earth minutes have passed but you’re all now 73 years old.”

They gasped.

I said, “Don’t worry, you still look the same. Space and time travel can be weird like that.”

I dropped them all off according to schedule and their parents were none the wiser.

Happy, safe and healthy Thanksgiving to y’all!

22 Years!

My friend Ida Collins recently celebrated 44 years as a bus driver for AISD.  Ida, I just reached the halfway point. 22 years! I started on the 14th of October, 1998. That was in another century! Before that I never held a job for more than a year. I would get bored and move on. After twenty two years I’m still not bored; kids have a way of keeping it interesting. And this year it all got a lot more interesting.
This is my original school bus guitar. I call it Charlie after the late Charlie Fischer, my hometown neighbor who fisched it out of the trash in 1986 and gave it to me. (It looked a lot nicer back then.) I brought Charlie out of retirement because my second school bus guitar, the baby Taylor is falling apart. Both guitars have many layers of kids’ signatures from the past two decades. It’s an end of school year ritual which, like so many other end of school year rituals, was thwarted by a pandemic.

School shut down on March 13, 2020. I had a field trip on March 12. In addition to my 120 regular route students, I hauled fifty or so kids from another school to a museum where they mingled with hundreds of kids from other schools. It is difficult to comprehend that now. Did that really happen? I’m pretty sure it did. The date is still in my calendar.

After a month or so of isolation, I went back to work driving a wifi bus. The buses are wifi hotspots for students learning online who don’t have internet service. Typically in the summer, we’re out touring to the west coast or east coast playing music. This year I stayed home and drove the wifi bus during which time I changed my name from Mr. Bus Driver Man Sir to Mr. Hot Spot Man Sir. The wifi bus isn’t quite as exciting as driving through the Rockies, visiting with good friends, and performing on the Oregon coast while watching the waves of the Pacific crash against the shore across the street from the venue, but it’s a job that I’m very thankful to have. We lost a lot of gigs like every other musician I know but I’ve had steady income doing something that helps out some kids in these challenging times, even if it felt like I was doing nothing at all. Every so often a parent would come out and thank me from behind a mask, reminding me that it wasn’t nothing.

Last week I started hauling kids once again. It’s a far cry from the past. I wear mask, gloves, and face shield when I point my laser ray gun temperature checker at the students before they board the bus. Then I tell them to sanitize their hands and go to the back of the bus. All 25 windows are open to keep fresh air circulating. I spray the seats down with disinfectant after each route. So far I haven’t had more than eight kids in the bus at one time. And that seems like a lot these days. Sometimes it’s just one student. It’ll change over time but I feel like we’re in a delicate balancing act. I asked my lone middle school student haw many kids were in class with her. She said six. I’ve seen masked teachers with as many masked children going through their lessons under an oak tree in front of the school.

Interesting times. There’s certainly no room for boredom.

Stay safe and be well

Sequestered School Bus News

It’s been a few weeks since I parked the bus and began adapting to the current way of life. I have been catching up on sleep, getting some work done on the house, and writing songs. However, I do miss the kids. I miss being part of their everyday school experience. I miss the sense of purpose as a school bus driver. With lessons moving online, will future demand of bus drivers be reduced? Only time will tell.

Fortunately I have a treasure trove of memories from which to pull.

 

A kindergartner said, “In two days my friend’s dad had a baby.”

As I was processing his statement, the boy said, ”I have a field trip today. Will you be my bus driver?”

Me: “Sorry, I won’t be driving. Who do you think will be driving today?”

Boy: “Miss Jessica. When I was in college Miss Jessica was the bus driver.”

Me: “Which college did you go to?”

Boy: “Texas College.”

 

The conversations get a little deeper in middle school.

A middle school girl said, “Mr. Bus Driver Man Sir, can I eat your kidneys?”

I said, “No, I’m still using them.”

 

One day a six year old boy said, “Do you know The Simpsons? The bus driver looks like you.”

I took this as a compliment. People often compared me to Otto in my early days, before most of the color ran from my hair. One time my employee badge came apart and my picture fell out. I downloaded and printed a picture of Otto from The Simpsons and pasted it onto my badge. No one questioned it until my field trip to Sea World in San Antonio one summer. I dropped off the kids at the entrance, parked the bus and went back to the front gate with my badge. Most places allow the bus drivers to enter with their group, free of charge.

The ticket taker was not impressed. He said, “That’s not you.”

I said, “Yes it is.”

“No, that’s a cartoon. I can’t let you in with that.”

So I explained about the badge and told him I drove 99 miles at 50mph with a bus load of screaming kids. Ultimately he let me in and I had a wonderful day.

As it turns out, I have a real life connection to Otto. My friend Mike Reiss has been writing for The Simpsons for three decades. I asked him if I could claim that Otto was modeled after me, even though Otto was a bus driver long before I was. Mike said it was more likely that I was modeled after Otto. There may be some truth to that.

Time for a shameless plug. Last year Mike and I collaborated on a song and subsequent video. It’s called The Ballad of the Three Bean Salad. You can find it on Youtube.

 

A third grade girl ran to the bus all excited one afternoon. She said, “My two friends just met for the first time and they decided to get married in school tomorrow!”

The next day the girl said that her teacher found out and told them they couldn’t have a wedding in school.

The following week the girl was giddy again.

She said, “My friends decided to have a video game wedding!”

I said, “What’s a video game wedding?”

She said, “Their avatars are getting married in a video game!”

This was a few months ago. These kids were way ahead of the game with physical distancing!

 

Stay safe and healthy!

Caio