Here are some things that I do on the bus to amuse the children (and myself.)
***To the kids who refuse to wear their seatbelts.
The kids were boarding the bus one afternoon. I waited until one child, a repeat offender, put one foot up on the first step and I said, “Is your seatbelt on yet?”
The kid said, “No.”
I said, “Why not?”
She said, “I’m not even in my seat yet!”
I said, “That’s no excuse, get that seatbelt buckled!”
One day the girl got wise. She put one foot on the first step and said, “Yes, my seat belt is on!”
***When the kids are especially loud
As we’re leaving the school I like to pick up the microphone and say, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?…”
***When we pass a construction site
In Austin there is never a shortage of construction sites.
One route I had 3 or 4 years ago, when I was down to 6 or 7 kids to drop off, we would approach a construction site. I would slow down, look at the site and say something like, “Are they building the moon over there?”
“Are they building a mud factory?”
“Are building a forest?”
“Are they building the Empire State Building?”
“Are they building an alternate universe?”
“Are they building antiques?”
You get the picture. Every day it was different. I would ask and the kids would shout, “NOOOO!”
After a while they would get really quiet as we got closer to the construction site (what is that crazy old bus driver going to say this time?)
I would say, “Are they building Brooklyn circa 1955?”
Then I would shrug and say, “Hmm,” as the kids erupted in a big, “NOOOO!”
***Who Caused the Weather?
One year I had two little boys, brothers, at the first stop in the morning.
One cold morning I stopped and opened the door to let them in. As the cold air rushed in with the boys I said, “Who left the refrigerator door open all night?!”
The older boy said, “Not me!”
His younger brother said, “I did!”
On a rainy morning I said, “Who forgot to turn off the shower this morning?”
Big Brother: “Not me!”
Little brother: “I did!”
Warm, balmy morning:
“Who left the oven on all night?”
Big Brother: “Not me!”
Little brother: “I did!!!”
One windy morning the older brother caught on or gave in:
“Who left the fan on all night?”
Two boys in unison: “I did!!!”
***The Bufepire is near
I have a cat called Bufus. He’s an ankle biter. You have to watch out for your ankles when Bufus is around. He’s like a little vampire cat that bites your ankle because he can’t reach your neck.
I told the kids about Bufus.
Me: Have you seen the Bufepire?
One little boy said, “What’s a Beefpire?”
Me: Not Beefpire, Bufepire! He’s half cat, half bat, half vampire, and half Bufus.
Kid: What’s a Bufus?
Me: That’s his name. I saw him a minute ago. He’s looking for an ankle to bite AND HE’S UNDER YOUR SEAT!!!!!!!
Eighteen kids jumped and pulled their feet up onto the seat.
Mean but fun.